In the last post I talked about the real issue behind what we commonly call work-life balance. Today I’m taking it a step further by looking at what needs to happen to begin to beat it.
We’ve always been told that this thing called work-life balance is the holy grail – and why not? It seems like a really nice idea. You go to work, come home for dinner with your family, spend the rest of the evening enjoying non-stressful time with them, go back to work the next day for eight hours, come home and spend the whole weekend with friends, family, etc. relaxing and doing whatever you want and lo an behold, life is perfect. Time is abundant, money is abundant and you feel very satisfied.
If you have that then congratulations, you’re one of a small minority. For most men out there, life looks nothing like that. The reason that many feel like they have no balance at all is due to a lack of alignment between what they do for a living and who they really are – their strengths, desires and motivations. Many men have chosen professions based on money or other outside factors such as family pressure and are at a point where they are burnt out, depressed, hate their jobs or all three. So they feel like they have no work-life balance when in fact the reality is they are misaligned.
If you’re in this spot you know it’s no way to live and eventually it prevents you from being the man you can be at work and at home. When you do become more aligned between what you do and who you are, you actually get more energy because you begin to be more fulfilled. More energy and fulfillment means higher performance, getting more done in less time, and earning more money with less arduous ‘effort’. The men who’ve made it to this point don’t complain about work-life balance because they are motivated by what they do and that carries over to their personal lives too. There’s a good chance they work even ‘harder’ as well, or put in more hours, but the difference is that it’s doesn’t feel like drudgery so they become a better, higher performing version of their current selves. It’s not hard to spot a man like this, he’s the one ‘on fire’; the one that just seems to attract people and prosperity to him.
So what’s the key to moving in this direction for you?
A number of things are critical but first and foremost is realizing that you have control over this. This is where it all starts, taking stock of the choices you’re making and not making. And let’s face it, some men will do something about it and many won’t. Nobody cares what you do, really, so do it for yourself. It’s your choice to merely exist or really live. And believe me, if I can change from a marketing executive (of eleven+ years) to a professional actor (with no prior experience) over the course of a few years, then you can certainly make whatever change you dream of. Did I do it all by myself? Did it happen immediately? Definitely not, but I was determined not to keep living a life that was making me miserable.
Another factor to consider is what you believe others’ expectations are for you. In the book Total Leadership by Stewart Friedman, he notes a study where they had people actually sit down with their families, bosses, etc. and formally ask what they expected of them. In the majority of cases it surprisingly turns out that we tend to think others expect a lot more of us than they actually do. So find out for yourself; are you doing a lot of extra stuff that you don’t need to be doing because you think you should be?
Get focused on what matters, what you’re really good at and what you’d love to do. That is what matters. That is what will fulfill you while at the same time allowing you to earn a great living. That is what will give you back the energy you used to have.
It won’t happen overnight but if you don’t start now, then when?
Stay tuned for more on ‘how’ to do this. I look forward to your comments so please leave them below and if you like this post, give it a retweet. Cheers.
